What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
