i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
