I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
