did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
