I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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