part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
