So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
