i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's blow job season.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
