Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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