im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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