After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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