I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
