I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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