there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
