checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
