We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize