i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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