i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
