I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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