Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
