Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
