Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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