i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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