I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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