I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
