I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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