Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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