I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
