Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
