I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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