I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
zippers are such a cool invention
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
