I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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