Whod you bang
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
