I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
