oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
