im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
