yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
