On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
NoShamevember. You game?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
