you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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