Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
