So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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