Do vagina's smell?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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