every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
