She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
