Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
