i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
