i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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