I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
