yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
