batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
