I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Me. At least after what I've been through.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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