Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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