You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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