I wannas sexs uuuuu
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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