u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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