and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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