Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
