Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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