guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
