We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize