You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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