when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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