He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
