Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can I color on your dick again?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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