Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
