You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
