This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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