I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
