I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
