found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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