im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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