i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
