..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
