my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
