dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
