ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize