my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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