So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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