why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
