I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
