I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The uberlube is also flammable
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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