Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
