No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
