The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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