I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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