I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
