i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
