Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize