Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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