I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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