Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
