you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
