i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just googled if crying burns calories
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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