I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
