he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
