Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
