Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
