Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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