I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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