i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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