she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
