Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
