I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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