I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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