Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
