Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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